So many people ask me the question, “Dr. Saira, if I am really as great as you tell me I am, then why am I still single?”
This question breaks my heart, for many reasons.
Yes, you may still be single, but that is only part of the story. If true love is what you are looking for, you will indeed find it. But there is some fine print you need to know about. If you want to be in a committed, loving, mutually beneficial, long-term partnership, you are going to have to let go of your control and perfectionism. Because people are not computers, they will not follow predictable patterns, nor will they always behave the way you hope they will. People are complex, multidimensional, and nuanced, just like love. If you want to find and keep your perfect match, you have to be willing to see the next person independently of the last person. Most importantly, you have to do your mommy-work and daddy-work. I have not yet met someone in a compatible and thriving relationship (and not just the honeymoon-stage of love, but the ups-and-downs-and-we’re-still-okay stage) who still has serious resentment towards their own parents. Forgiving mom and dad is key, because, let’s be honest, they are our first love. And even if you never knew your parents, the vacuum they have left in your heart will threaten to drain the life out of your intimate “other” unless you repair the damage now. You must resolve issues around trust and expectations, and do some serious self-reflection if you want a true love-relationship that will last. | More here.
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